Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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