I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
