He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
