he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
