I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
