I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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