So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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