We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
