Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
