last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
