I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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