At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
