I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
