he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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