You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
