Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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