anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
