you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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