she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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