I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
