i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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