she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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