my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
