I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
