At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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