When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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