I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
