the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
