New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
