we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
