I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
