She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
