she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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