you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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