all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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