apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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