Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its not stalking. its research.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
