my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
