It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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