Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
