his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
