so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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