Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
