At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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