I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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