Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
