I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
