I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
