Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
