if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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